New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
