He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
