remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
