you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
