I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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