apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
