Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
