Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This house was built for laser tag.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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