help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
