1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
