I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
