Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
