This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
