Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
