I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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