He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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