In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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