I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
