Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Walk of Shame today included voting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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