Pappa wants mamma naked
she smelled like a LAN party
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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