So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
