woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
