Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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