It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
