Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
