there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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