So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've blown a few things in my day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
