You can't motorboat a personality
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
