You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I stole a fireplace last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's shark week go big or go home
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am naked and annoyed.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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