Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
