Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
