I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
