It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
