ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Text me some of your sweat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
