also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
