I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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