Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
