some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
