I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
