Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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