Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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