My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
