Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
