That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
