I'm going to jail i love you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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