we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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