i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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