oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
