In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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