Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
