idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
