I can't watch pbs sober anymore
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
