She announced her abortion via fbk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
